Hidan Returns
by ShirohebiGirl
Summary: Shikamaru hadn't counted on documents concerning an Akatsuki criminal living under his clan's feet to be lost/destroyed. But centuries later no one remembers. So you can imagine the surprise when his descendant Sheiku discovers a dismembered man alive and well at the site of her home. HidanXOc Update coming soon!
1. WTF?

NARUTO FANFIC

**When Shikamaru trapped Hidan down in a hole on his family's land he said they'd watch him forever...well stories and flimsy paper scrolls aren't enough to stand the test of time...**

"Hey twerp! Give me my arm back!" A silky yet enraged voice erupted up at Sheiku from down in a sand pit to her left.

Sheiku had been sitting in silent shock when she found a single pale severed arm laying in the rubble of her future home she was building in her family's woods.

This forest used to be where her family, The Nara Clan, would hunt deer for centuries; but dwindling population had put a stop to that.

The Nara Clan was always very wealthy and many of her clans family members had decided to move away with their share to tropical or personally favored destinations. Sheiku, however at 21 had decided to remain loyal to Nara tradition and stayed to guard the land- thus building herself a nice little cabin in the woods.

She'd been surveying the progress alone one night when she'd spotted a pale nub she'd mistaken for an odd shape rock peeking from sediment. She swept away the dirt and found said arm.

She again ran her fingertips across it just to make sure she was actually seeing this and then hearing that voice down below. "QUIT IT!"

Sheiku gulped the air. "Uh-um.." She stood up in her leather boots and crunched across the gravel. She stood up on her tip-toes trying to see beyond the layers of boulders. "Who-"

Gravity got the best of her and sent her hurling down the pit. The voice was louder now. "Did you seriously fall down that! What kind of shinobi are you!" Sheiku felt the sting of dirt in her palms and knees.

She unclenched her eyes and found herself leering into dreamy purple ones. A man seemed to be buried from the neck down. His hair slicked with grease and a pale purple frayed messily about. "Hi!" He half smile-scowled.

"Um..Hello.." was all Sheiku could say.

"Get me OUTTA here will ya!" The man demanded; Sheiku simply nodded. "Nice explosion that was today, why the hell ya wait till now to get me out? Deidara's work?" He casually chatted as Sheiku tried to figure this out. "Just tug on my head, ha ha trust me." He snapped but continued to talk as she began to lift at his jaw. "You must be a new Aakatsuki recruit. God it felt like _ages_ down there! Then that damn explosion tore me apart."

Sheiku yelped and threw the man aside. He was _**only a head**_! Ew! Ew! Ew! "HEY WATCH IT! I'LL KILL YA!" She backed up as he continued shouting indecencies.

Kill! "Um...are you aware..um..is that your arm?" She pointed up.

The Hidan's eyes strained she was pointing at the sky but he knew what she meant. "Yeah. Speaking of, why'd you go and give me an itch I can all but scratch?" He winked at her.

**This will be a short story, probably 4 chapters idk. Review I guess lol. ;)**


	2. That Damn Nara kid!

"You're- you're a head!" Sheiku sputtered. The man rolled his eyes. "..." She opened her mouth but no words emerged.

"Ya gonna stand there or dig me out!" Hidan gnashed.

"Okay, okay." Sheiku dragged his head up by a clump of hair, he yelped in pain so she went to carefully cradle him to her chest so she could at least climb the wall; but when she saw the filthy smirk spread across his lips she shoved him into her satchel by her waist.

_'Okay so theres a head in my bag...a head that thinks I'm a shinobi and an 'akatsuki' member?' _The head mocked her slow climbing. "Hey shut up you! I'll bury you back in that hole!" She screeched at him- he shut up; but only a moment.

"Ha so you do have guts!" Hidan laughed. "So which village did'ya leave behind? Ya smell like dirt and ramen...what are ya Konoha?"

Sheiku grimaced. "Jerk I only smell like dirt because I just fell down a freakin' hole!" She hushed up about the ramen because she had it for lunch that day- Ichiraku Industries made epic ramen okay. She was self-conscientious about her garlicky breath and popped in a mint from the bag, but only

after poking Hidan's eye. "Why the frig were you- a head- trapped in that hole?"

Hidan growled. "By Joshin! Didn't they brief you! A damn Konoha kid trapped me down there. He'd gotten the better of me with that darn shadow jutsu. Nara was his last name...I think..Hmhmha I'm gonna go tear his freakin' precious clan apart!"

Sheiku caught her breath. "The N-Nara Clan?..." Oh god!

They reached the top. Sheiku dropped the bag- Hidan yelled.

"So um...Who was this Nara kid?"

"_Shikamaru._"he growled.

Sheiku jumped. She knew that name, he was from way back in her ancestry, he was a real smart guy his name was passed down as a middle name with the boys in her family. She'd heard a lot of stories about him but...she hadn't heard any about this dude.

Shikamaru was alive long ago, reeeeaaallly long ago. So this man... "You're _old_." She said as she set him in her lap. "Shikamaru and everyone you knew...they're all dead."

He scoffed. "CRAP! Ah, Joshin why'd ya go and punish me like that! I tried to kill him, I really tried. And those other guys...I wanted to do the ritual but Kakazu wouldn't let me..." The man was flipping out ballistically, she didn't even want to know what would happen if his body was intact. Especially since he would tear the clan apart!

She saw the man's arm budge in the distance making a clawed gesture. Then the ground rumbled and shook.

Then, out from the pit, shot an odd black and red blade.


	3. Death Art

Sheiku knew _that_ sword; after all it was unique. Shame that no one remembered the swordsmen behind it.

She looked down into Hidan's angry expression. "Lets get moving kid! Gather me up! This is a retractable sword- I can hit you with it from over there." He scowled and winked.

Sheiku spent the remainder of the night digging the man from the dirt. She found his other leg and thankfully the rest of his body was intact- but that meant more weight.

"So here you are...how do we get you back together?" Sheiku had lain his parts in their normal places, she only didn't have the means to attach them. "Hey?"

The man had fallen asleep- How dare he, when she did all the work! His face looked really peaceful even though Sheiku was sure the gravel was making harsh imprints on his smooth cheek. She picked up his head in her lap again- carefully picking out the minute rocks from his sensitive impressed skin with tender fingers. She couldn't leave a disembodied man where workers would find him.

She quickly ran to and from the main compound to fetch a large duffel bag on wheels- and with gentle bending of limbs fit the man's body into it.

It was heavy to pull and bounced on rocks a few times but she tried to take the easiest path. She'd decided to be more humane and carry the man's head close in her arms as to not disturb his slumber; and she guessed- if he were awake- he'd be enjoying that fact immensely. She did question, however, if he was asleep at one point because of the way his lips twitched against the softness of her chest.

Dawn was on the horizon by the time she'd made it home and had snuck pass her parents. She locked her bedroom door behind her.

Having known the pain of sleeping in awkward positions Sheiku unzipped the bag and removed the man- comfortably leaning the chunk with one leg, an arm, and the torso against a rather large teddy bear from her childhood.

She got situated and placed his head on a pillow behind and obscured by the bear. She prayed up to Shikamaru's spirit to watch over her and not let her get killed by this man with a vengeance against their clan.

_Sheiku dreampt of leaping in treetops like the shinobis' she'd read about once..._

Only hours of sleep went by before she was harshly awoken by a pounding on her door. "SHEIKU! Honey, the land developers are here with urgent news." Her father nagged.

It took her a good ten minutes to rub the sleep from her eyes; then she remembered the man! He was right where she left him- he was awake and his eyes were surveying everything- the future. "_Hey you! Psst!_" She harshly whispered to get his attention.

"I have a name you know." He hmph'd.

"_Right, sorry, Hidan. Hidan I need you to not talk okay?_" She urged.

"_What? Why?_" He scoffed,

"SHEIKU! Open up or I'll bust in!" Sheiku jumped at her father's booming threat.

"Just Shhh, please!" She scolded and went to cover him up and open the door- when suddenly the part with the torso she'd been leaning over grabbed her arm and held her still. Hidan chuckled.

"**3! 2! 1!**" Her dad barreled through the door. He stopped his tirade when he saw the body- the head hidden. "Wh-What is that?" He stammered.

Sheiku thought fast. "It's my new project. I'm building a realistic sculpture of a man for the upcoming art exhibit." She thanked god she was into art.

Her father appeared worried and skeptical. Thats what you get for being the black sheep in the family. "Dad, its not real!" She casually smiled and began massaging the skin on Hidan's chest to appear as though she were molding it. "See?"

It still looked like a real dead body. She remembered Hidan had gripped her arm. "Here, its automated." She poked his side like a button- no dice. She heard a faint snicker; he was doing that on purpose.

_Damn you Hidan!_ She moved so her father couldn't see her front. She took Hidan's hand and gripped it onto her chest- surprisingly his arm pulled away and his whole body moved to push away from her. It proved her point.

"Okay whatever, I believe you!" Her father shrugged but she saw the sigh of relief. "**Mr. Sarutobi** is waiting outside." He left- closing the door.

Hidan was silent at first. "_Mr. Sarutobi_! As in descendant of the 3rd Hokage and that slump Asuma I killed? Oh jeez, he wants revenge!"

"Quiet Hidan, I doubt that with how long its been." She yelled counterproductive. Then she left the room, trying not to feel sad at the way Hidan rejected her. Something about it hurt.

**(BTW This fic is inspired by the song "Everybody Talks" by Neon Trees. So give that a listen- it helps. Also more reviews please?)**


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